Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Stupid Redneck Boobs

Today's Miles: 6 x 400's
Running has become a part of me..a part of who I am. I don't know how I would describe myself without running. I may not be very good at it.....but it's always there. It helps me cope with stress, with depression, with happiness, with just about anything. It gives me time to myself, time to think, time to work out problems, time to completely zone out and be brain dead for awhile. It has become my constant.

What I have noticed, no matter where in this world I travel, there are 3 things that are constant. You’ll find these things EVERYWHERE!
  1. Stupid people 
  2. Rednecks 
  3. Booby bars
So, the first one is unfortunately obvious. Stupid people are everywhere. I wish that part of the population could be banished to an island. The Isle of Stupidity. Where they would be allowed to live out their lives, al-be-it shortened lives because most are too stupid to survive without the smart people, in peace and harmony with people of their own kind. You do realize that the only reason why they actually survive in the real world is because the smart people help them. 

Why were you standing on a limb and sawing it off of the tree at the same time? No worries....we're highly educated surgeons...we'll sew your arm back on.

Even though it is dangerous to text and drive, eat your supper, put on your makeup, watch a movie and play a board game with your 3 year old in the car...no worries. We understand you're busy. You need to multi-task. We have super smart engineers that will develop a car that will avoid accidents for you.

The second one kind of shocked me. I always assumed Rednecks were Southern. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Rednecks. I can be one occasionally. So I’m not talking about your part-time Redneckers. I’m talking R.E.D.N.E.C.K. Those that would make the Dukes of Hazard seem tame, and give someone for Bo & Luke Duke to look up to. Those that embody every “You might be a Redneck…” joke ever thought of....and some the outside world has yet been exposed to. Those kinds of Rednecks. I’ve seen them EVERYWHERE. Detroit, Michigan. Green Bay, Wisconsin. St. Cloud, Minnesota. Waterloo, Ontario. Auburn, New York. Denver, Colorado. Places where you would not think you’d see Rednecks. I guess being a Redneck doesn’t mean you must be Southern – just as being Southern doesn’t automatically make you a Redneck.

The last one is the real shocker. You’ll find “Gentlemen’s” clubs everywhere. I think the only place I didn’t see one was in Banff, Alberta. And that may simply be because mountain lions could care less if you have boobs. Seriously. They are everywhere. I was driving through Pennsylvania Dutch country last year…..Picture this….rolling farm lands, fields of hay, large quaint farm houses – the kind that are large because the families have 15 kids, women wearing skirts & hair covers, men in long shirts and straw hats, no tractors or other farm equipment being used out in the field because everything is being pulled by mules and stock horses……I pass a caution sign for horses and buggies because I’m obviously in an area with many Amish and Mennonite families. The next sign I pass is for “Rick’s Gentlemen’s Club 1mile ahead turn left.” Is nothing sacred? A Titty Bar in Pennsylvania Dutch country?All I could think about was 1) was the parking lot full of horses & buggies? and 2) was some woman in a full dress dancing around a barn pole showing a little ankle or wrist? She let her hair down?

Next time you travel outside of your normal area – be on the lookout. I guarantee you’ll find these three things.

Gotta run…..

1 comment:

  1. You're right on all three counts.

    Regarding the rednecks, the only difference between north and south is the accent changes. I'm a hundred percent sure you could find rednecks in Europe, too !

    Regarding titty bars, believe it or not I've never been in one. Whenever my buddies tease me about this, my comeback line is that I've never *needed* to pay to see what you see in titty bars. This usually shuts them up pretty quickly and has the added effect of making them feel bad about themselves ! ;)