Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Adventures of Lola & Kristy

Today's Miles: 5 miles with 2 miles at Tempo Pace

Lola….is my sidekick. She’s my Louise. My Tonto. My Chewbacca. My Samwise Gamgee. My Barney Fife. And yes, you must say her name with emphasis as if she were a beautiful Hispanic stripper.

We go everywhere together. If I go….Lola goes. I do not leave home without her. I’d be LOST without her! I simply could not function without her. She has saved my life by leading me out of danger. She has opened my eyes to a whole new side of the world I live in. She’s awesome.

And she’s a pain in the butt. I love her dearly….but good grief. Really?

We are so different. I want to get to where I need to go within a reasonable time frame. She, however, is an adventurer. A wonderer. I don’t mind seeing the country side….as long as I’m not running late for an appointment or late in the day or I’m on my way home after a long week’s trip.

But Lola has time for every side trip imaginable. Even though it can be a pain sometimes, I do find our trips enjoyable. I see things I would not have otherwise been exposed to…good or bad.

A recent trip through a state forest…just neighbors looking out for each other….

Taking a short cut down a farm road, through the MIDDLE of a guy's farm….

 Seeing the deserted rural side of Cocke County…

Through a town where all the stop signs were for midgets…

Interesting abandon farm land…

 Beautiful mountain views…

Places that have a large population of bears…oh my!

Impressive waterfalls…

The place that apparently inspired The Godfather…

I do put up with her antics because it’s good for a laugh, some nice scenery, and she is dependable in an emergency.

Ppssst......But I’m afraid she’s trying to kill me.

We were recently on a trip and she insisted that we turn left…NOW!! Problem with following her advice at this point….is that it would have led to a long trip off the side of a mountain….without a hand-glider or a parachute. And a few nights ago in downtown Toronto, she kept insisting I go the wrong way down a major interstate. I mean really! I’m all up for adventures and thrills and adrenaline rushes….but I don’t want to die for it.

Maybe I should break off this friendship and find a new sidekick. But I’m a little scared.

Gotta run….but don’t tell Lola I’m going without her.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Attack of the Walmartians

Today's Miles: 0 day!

Friday was one of those days. You know the kind. The day that you wish you could just end quickly and hope you don't wind up dead (or kill someone) by the end.

And here's how it started......waking up 30 minutes late...

Still got my run in; still got the beef stew in the crockpot before leaving the house. (Though I couldn't remember if I actually turned the crockpot ON before I left, so had to call in reinforcements to go by my house to check. Otherwise we would have had raw meat soup for supper.)

While I was in a rush from crock-potting to showering the stank off of me...I somehow became entrapped in my sweaty tank top and sports bra. Which resulted in much pulling and tugging and hopping around and pulling a muscle in my back. Yes....start laughing now.

The morning continued with running at least 45 minutes behind for everything...and making Mark late for work.

My wonderful boss calls and 'asks' (which is really his way of saying "do this") "Could you stop and get this and that on the way to the job site." Why sure! Why not?

As soon as I get to the job site:
Boss "Go into town and get a thing-a-ma-bob like this, but with a vertical housing instead of horizontal that is 12V and .66 amps and will fit in this receptacle cover. We need 5."
Me "Uh, where."
Boss "Radio Shack"

Murrvil only has one RS - in the mall. Which doesn't open until 10am. So I got to wait with the old-men-mall-walkers. Did you know there was a whole community of these guys?

RS employee - of no use. I've got something similar, but only 3. Great.
Run to the Depot. No luck.

Boss calls "While you're at RS, pick up a Network something-or-other"
Run back to RS. Where same girl is of no use. Found the something-or-other.

Run to Walmart where I was to get a half dozen arrow blanks. He just needed the shaft of an arrow. Like, as in bow-and-arrow. Don't ask why. I have NO idea. We are not an archery company nor a deer hunting company, and I'm pretty sure he did not intend to shoot me with them. I think.

And here's where it happened.

Assault #1:

First I had to waste 5 minutes running around looking for the sporting goods section. Why are they all laid out differently?

Ask Walmart sales person behind the counter IN the Sporting Goods section - "Where are the arrow blanks".....I receive a blank stare in return.

Find the arrows, but the $2 and the $12 arrows are all mixed together....I want the $2 ones.

I squat down on the floor to look through the pixie-stick pile of arrows searching for the $2 blanks.
Then I see it....a great big camouflaged ass slowly creeping towards me. This man apparently desperately needed a camouflaged coozy to match his pants. They just happened to be on the bottom row, next to the arrows. Why this guy felt it necessary to bend over and place his buttocks in my direction rather than towards the other end of the aisle, where there was no-one....I'll never know. But he did, and as his bent over camouflaged butt kept creeping towards me, I felt the need to hold one of my arrows (with a target point) in a defensive manner. I mean, this is a Walmartian, in full attack gear, trying to blend in to his surroundings. I don't know their normal attack methods, but I was sure that a fight was coming.

And sure enough that arrow was needed. When the arrow poked his camouflaged butt and he jumped straight up in the air and turned to scowl at response "Oh sorry, didn't see you there!"

If this were all, it would just be a funny story...but OH NO! I was at WALMART!

Assault #2:

I'm standing in line to check out. Of course, at 10:45 a.m. there are only 3 lanes open and 25 people checking out simultaneously. So I'm 3rd in line. Minding my own business. When suddenly I'm rear-ended by a 150 lb buggy! I was hit dead center in the back and thrown into the back of the man in front of me. I was standing about 3 feet behind him - that's how hard I was hit! I turn around and a woman's head pops around the car-seat attached to the top of the buggy. She looks down at one of the two children hanging off her pockets and proceeds to yell at him "Why didn't you tell me someone was there!"

Seriously. Did she just accuse her 3 year old of failure to navigate a buggy. Really?

My response - "Maybe because he's THREE!"

And there was no apology. Not even an utterance of a thought of possibly one day feeling a little bad about it apology. Not even one of those truly impersonal, totally unheartfelt "Sorry".

The rest of my day was spent running to Staples, to Chickfila, to a Radio Shack in Knoxville, a few more phone calls of "go here and pick up this", then therapy, then a haircut, then take the van back to the service station. At least I got a head massage at the hair salon. I so needed it after this day!

Next time you're in Walmart, be wary of Walmartians in camouflage and overloaded buggies carrying car seats.

Gotta run....just to the fair. Can't wait to see the carnies!