Sunday, September 11, 2011

Attack of the Walmartians

Today's Miles: 0 day!

Friday was one of those days. You know the kind. The day that you wish you could just end quickly and hope you don't wind up dead (or kill someone) by the end.

And here's how it started......waking up 30 minutes late...

Still got my run in; still got the beef stew in the crockpot before leaving the house. (Though I couldn't remember if I actually turned the crockpot ON before I left, so had to call in reinforcements to go by my house to check. Otherwise we would have had raw meat soup for supper.)

While I was in a rush from crock-potting to showering the stank off of me...I somehow became entrapped in my sweaty tank top and sports bra. Which resulted in much pulling and tugging and hopping around and pulling a muscle in my back. Yes....start laughing now.

The morning continued with running at least 45 minutes behind for everything...and making Mark late for work.

My wonderful boss calls and 'asks' (which is really his way of saying "do this") "Could you stop and get this and that on the way to the job site." Why sure! Why not?

As soon as I get to the job site:
Boss "Go into town and get a thing-a-ma-bob like this, but with a vertical housing instead of horizontal that is 12V and .66 amps and will fit in this receptacle cover. We need 5."
Me "Uh, where."
Boss "Radio Shack"

Murrvil only has one RS - in the mall. Which doesn't open until 10am. So I got to wait with the old-men-mall-walkers. Did you know there was a whole community of these guys?

RS employee - of no use. I've got something similar, but only 3. Great.
Run to the Depot. No luck.

Boss calls "While you're at RS, pick up a Network something-or-other"
Run back to RS. Where same girl is of no use. Found the something-or-other.

Run to Walmart where I was to get a half dozen arrow blanks. He just needed the shaft of an arrow. Like, as in bow-and-arrow. Don't ask why. I have NO idea. We are not an archery company nor a deer hunting company, and I'm pretty sure he did not intend to shoot me with them. I think.

And here's where it happened.

Assault #1:

First I had to waste 5 minutes running around looking for the sporting goods section. Why are they all laid out differently?

Ask Walmart sales person behind the counter IN the Sporting Goods section - "Where are the arrow blanks".....I receive a blank stare in return.

Find the arrows, but the $2 and the $12 arrows are all mixed together....I want the $2 ones.

I squat down on the floor to look through the pixie-stick pile of arrows searching for the $2 blanks.
Then I see it....a great big camouflaged ass slowly creeping towards me. This man apparently desperately needed a camouflaged coozy to match his pants. They just happened to be on the bottom row, next to the arrows. Why this guy felt it necessary to bend over and place his buttocks in my direction rather than towards the other end of the aisle, where there was no-one....I'll never know. But he did, and as his bent over camouflaged butt kept creeping towards me, I felt the need to hold one of my arrows (with a target point) in a defensive manner. I mean, this is a Walmartian, in full attack gear, trying to blend in to his surroundings. I don't know their normal attack methods, but I was sure that a fight was coming.

And sure enough that arrow was needed. When the arrow poked his camouflaged butt and he jumped straight up in the air and turned to scowl at response "Oh sorry, didn't see you there!"

If this were all, it would just be a funny story...but OH NO! I was at WALMART!

Assault #2:

I'm standing in line to check out. Of course, at 10:45 a.m. there are only 3 lanes open and 25 people checking out simultaneously. So I'm 3rd in line. Minding my own business. When suddenly I'm rear-ended by a 150 lb buggy! I was hit dead center in the back and thrown into the back of the man in front of me. I was standing about 3 feet behind him - that's how hard I was hit! I turn around and a woman's head pops around the car-seat attached to the top of the buggy. She looks down at one of the two children hanging off her pockets and proceeds to yell at him "Why didn't you tell me someone was there!"

Seriously. Did she just accuse her 3 year old of failure to navigate a buggy. Really?

My response - "Maybe because he's THREE!"

And there was no apology. Not even an utterance of a thought of possibly one day feeling a little bad about it apology. Not even one of those truly impersonal, totally unheartfelt "Sorry".

The rest of my day was spent running to Staples, to Chickfila, to a Radio Shack in Knoxville, a few more phone calls of "go here and pick up this", then therapy, then a haircut, then take the van back to the service station. At least I got a head massage at the hair salon. I so needed it after this day!

Next time you're in Walmart, be wary of Walmartians in camouflage and overloaded buggies carrying car seats.

Gotta run....just to the fair. Can't wait to see the carnies!

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