Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A handicapped blog...

Today's Miles: big fat 0. Still recovering from 12 on Sunday. Yes....12.

I'm scheduled to give a big talk at a national meeting in January on a topic that I know like the back of my hand. Seriously, I could talk to anyone about this and they'd fully understand what I was talking about even if they were from Mars and had no idea where milk came from. Add to this the fact that developing and giving entertaining and educational presentations was all I did for over 8 years in my previous job...this should be no problem.

So WHY do I have writer's block? I'm totally hopeless. And I've noticed that when I started working on this presentation, I had nothing to say on my blog. Now I've got blogger's block too!

To alleviate this, I'm giving a pictorial tonight....on how NOT to set up a bathroom in a handicap suite...

Step 1 - Make the doorway too small. Still can't figure out why the door into the room was narrow, but the door into the bathroom was huge. Seems you must come into the room first before going into the bathroom...right?

Step 2 - Make the room too small to maneuver a wheelchair around. (Surprise, this room was huge!)

And just for clarity...let's do a close up of this shot....

Why yes...a telephone that only rings the front desk hanging on the wall next to the crapper. Why wouldn't a handicapped person need this? Maybe because they've got some self respect. Even if my wheelchair accidentally rolled out the door and my stump arm fell off, I'd crawl naked and soiled to said chair before I called Joe Smuck working the front desk at the hotel for help!?

Oh, and please note the television mounted above the crapper. It's there for the people infected with Owl's Disease. And the vanity mirror BEHIND the TV is such a nice touch....don't you think?

One last thing....for health's sake....please leave a urine sample on the back of the toilet with the cups provided....Thanks!

Step 3 - Position the vanity right beside the bath tub so that only little people in wheel chairs can actually get to the shower seat.

Step 4 - Make the seat spring loaded so that when the person is done bathing, they can be catapulted back into their wheelchair!

Step 5 - Make the faucet as complicated as possible.
Turn faucet to the On position

Adjust temperature dial.

Pop the tap to turn on the shower instead of tub.

Only to realize that the shower head does NOT turn on automatically.

STAND UP to flip the button on the shower head

While you're STANDING in your wheelchair, adjust that knob to lower the shower head since you'll be SITTING in the catapult seat at the back of the shower.

I have a new found appreciation to what a handicapped person must endure....the stupidity of others...

Gotta bed hopefully.

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