Honor Boston

To a Runner, running shoes are sacred. Runners will typically honor their shoes in one of two ways.

1) They wear them EVERYWHERE. Never knowing when the urge or opportunity to run will happen.

2) They ONLY wear them to run in. They do not waste valuable, precious available mileage by wearing them to the supermarket, or Lowe's, or Walmart or anywhere that running is not involved.

I'm a #2. I very, very rarely wear my kicks anywhere but running. Maybe during the break-in process, but not likely other time.


I'm presenting at a conference today and tomorrow. This typically involves me being dressed wisely for the occasion - slacks, sweater, dress shoes.

But today is different. Today, I felt compelled to wear something different.

I wear these in memory of Martin Richard, Krystle Campbell, and the graduate student from China whose name hasn't been released yet.

I wear these to honor those that were physically injured, those that are emotionally and psychologically scarred.

I wear these to lift up those that will never be able to run again.

I wear these in defiance.


I am a runner. I know pain, but it does not deter me.

I am a runner. I have overcome my fears, and they will not slow me.

I am a runner. I refuse to be terrorized, and you will not stop me.


I read this poem by Mark Remy of Runner's World, published 15 days ago. And if you are a runner, you get it.

I was angry, so I went for a run. And things got better.

I was confused, so I went for a run. And things got better.

I was exhausted, so I went for a run. And things got better.

I was lost, unsure, empty, afraid. Certain that whatever was left of my sanity had snapped, had come untethered and floated away, to a place so high and remote that I would never see it again, and that even if I did, I wouldn't recognize it.

So I went for a run. And things got better.

I felt like things could not possibly get worse, so I went for a run. And things got better.

(Another time, I felt like things could not get much better. I went for a run. Things got much better.)

After enough miles, over enough runs and enough years, I realized: No matter what, no matter when, or where, or why, I can find my shoes and go for a run and things will get better.

And that realization? Just knowing that?

It made things better.

So put on some running shoes. Be it 0.2 miles or 26.2 miles. Just. Run. 

It will get better.

Boston Marathon. I honor you.

Gotta run... 

I hate you. I love you. We need a break.

I hate you.

Uh…what was that?

You heard me. I hate you.

What the hell? You love me!

No. I hate you.

What did I do to piss you off?

You lied to me.

Wait…I what?

You LIED to me!

Please explain.

You said if I started running, that I would lose weight.

Ahhhh…no. I didn’t say that. You assumed that.

Oh come on! You don’t see fat runners out there…so you IMPLIED it.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret….you can run all you want, but if you eat like a horse…you’re going to look like a horse. I just help your body be more efficient at it! May I remind you that you are about 40 lbs +/- lighter now than when you first started running?

Yeah. But you had NOTHING to do with that! That didn’t start happening until I started controlling my diet. Oh…

“Oh…” is right. I gave you the discipline to see things through. If you can get up at 4 a.m. and pound out a mile or 8 miles, you can walk away from a KitKat.

Dammit. You said if I ran more I’d get better….get faster…

And you haven’t?

No.

You really think that?

Yes.

Have you reflected on your race times since you started running? In case you have forgotten, your official 5K times have dropped from 37:29 (HotterNHell August 2010) to 32:58 (KTC Expo May 2011) to 32:38 (Man Run August 2011). Your 10K times have gone from 1:19:01 (Strawberry Plains February 2010) to 1:08:39 (Carter Mill July 2011) to 1:08:04 (Carter Mill July 2012). AND your Half Marathon times have dropped from 3:13:40 (Covenant Health March 2010) to 2:28:06 (Kickin’ Asphalt November 2011) to 2:26:13 (Conquer the Mountain November 2012). So what the hell do you mean that you haven’t gotten “Better” or “Faster”? Seems to me that yes, in fact, you have. Maybe the results aren’t fast enough for you…but you are improving. And are you really trying to get better and faster?

What do you mean by that?? I’ve been running for over 3 years now!? Of course I’m trying to be a better and faster runner! Don’t YOU remember all of those miles?

Yes. I remember every one. Do YOU remember all of those speed sessions that you didn’t do? Or those tempo runs that YOU didn’t push yourself on? All of those runs where you were on autopilot?

But all of those miles!! All of those “training plans” I followed!!

Yes. There were a lot of miles. And ALL of those miles have helped you.  They have helped you in more ways that getting “better and faster.”

What do you mean?

Have you noticed you are a little calmer, a little more patient now?

Well. Yes.

Have you noticed that you can handle stressful situations better now that before you were a runner?

Yes. There is that.

Have you noticed that you are a better person, a better wife, a better employee that you were before you were a runner?

Maybe.

I know you are a bit pissed about your last half marathon. I know you wanted to come in with a faster time. And I know you doubt that ‘official’ time considering the lack of ‘official-ness’ of that race, and the fact that your Garmin showed the course was a bit short. So yes, your real time was likely the same as your previous time and/or a few seconds slower. And I know you want to blame someone…blame me. But do you remember the weeks leading up to that race?

What do you mean?

Remember that long run you did about 2 weeks prior to the race…that 14 miler?

Who can forget that?

Remember that your plan had you “tapering” off on your mileage…but you instead decided “I’ve got this” and basically stopped running for two weeks prior to that race?

I was so tired by then.

Remember those “Hill Repeats” on your plan that you didn’t do?

Yeah. I hate hills.

Remember that race was called “Conquer the Mountain?” What the hell did you expect? That you would be running DOWN the mountain???

But most of it was pretty flat!?

Yes…but there was that 2 mile ascent in the middle…UP. THE. MOUNTAIN. And don’t forget the 1.5 miles DOWN!

But the end was SOOOOOO HAAAARRRDDD!!! I was literally yelling at myself OUTLOUD “Don’t you quit! Don’t you give up! Don’t STOP!” I know that everyone around me thought I was nuts!

Who cares? Did you quit? Did you give up? Did you stop?

No. I pushed it harder than I ever thought imaginable. My legs hurt SO badly, but I never stopped.

So….what’s the problem then? Seems to me you conquered not only that mountain, but you conquered one of the hardest things ever for runners…Your will. Your determination. Your desire to beat down that little voice that is screaming STOP at the top of her lungs. You conquered it!! You should be PROUD of that!!

I am.

And let’s be honest with each other here. You haven’t been “Racing” a whole lot. You’ve been running with bouts of racing. If you want to be better at racing…you need to race more. You need to conquer that part of you that’s holding you back. You need to clear your Saturday schedule this year and sign up for 5Ks and 10Ks and run them balls out!

Yes. I know. But I think I need a break.

Whaaaaa????? You can’t!? You wouldn’t!? You can’t leave me!? What will you do without me!?

I’m working on increasing my strength training. And it’s really hard to train for endurance races like half marathons and focus on gaining muscle all at the same time. And I really think that increasing my strength will improve my running even more.

Possibly. Likely.

So after the Covenant Health Half this year, I’m going to back off on running and work on lifting.

But you’ll miss me.

Yes, I will. But I’m not leaving you totally. I’m just backing off and not going to worry about getting a 4-10 mile run in on the weekends. I’m planning on adding in some sprinting and intervals instead of mile after mile after mile.

Will you come back to me?

Yes. Of course. Hopefully better than ever. I’m planning on attacking some 5Ks and 10Ks this year and not worry about running another half. I may or may not pick one in the late fall. If I do, that will be 3 for 2013. I’ve never done more than 1 per year because the training cycle is pretty long, and I’ll have 2 completed before spring racing really starts this year!

Ok. I’m sad. I don’t want you to go.

I know. I don’t want to either. But I feel like I need to. I think this is best for now. I’m afraid if I don’t get a break from endurance running that I’m going to hate it. I’m going to hate you.

I thought you already hated me. That’s what you said earlier.

I don’t hate you. I need you. I was just mad. I’m sorry.

I’ll be here when you get done. That’s the nice thing about me. I’m always here. I’m always ready. I am dependable. Just put your shoes on and get out the door.

Slaying a Mountain Goat

SO WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN???

Is that what you've been wondering? It's been over 3 months since my last blog post. What's up with that?

Well, I could give you the excuses of "I've been busy." "This house is taking up a bunch of time." "I just don't have time." But the true reason is likely this....

I've been mad. At running.

The one thing this blog kind-of centers around....I've been pissed at.

We need to go back a bit.....my last post was the night before the Conquer the Mountain Half Marathon in Franklin, NC. Oh...OOOOHHHH.... So, was it bad? Did I DNF? Yes and no...for both. I DidNotFall if that's what you're thinking.

You know there was some drama...so let me give you a race report first....Then I'll eventually tell you why I was pissed at running.


The night before the race, which let me remind you was named "Conquer the Mountain", I was trying to decide if I was going to just 'run it' or to 'race it.' And let's be honest...the only person I would be racing was myself. (And of course Megan because I so wanted to kick her butt.)

The morning of the race, my nerves hit the stratosphere! I woke up at 6a.m.; ate a bagel; debated my wardrobe choices; pace about; stretched; ate more bagel and drank more water; and pretty much had a nervous breakdown in the hotel room. I finally convinced myself to lay down and relax.

And I kid you not, the very freaking second I drift off into relaxation and a bit of a nap, the freaking fire alarm goes off. What the hell is it with me and hotel fire alarms before a big race???

After going downstairs and sitting in the lobby with everyone else in their pajamas (which is the only time adults are allowed to wear PJs in public!), Megan finally picks me up and we head off to the start line....

Let me stop right there....there was no "start line." It was a bunch of people huddled about and one guy says "3,2,1, Go."

...Back to the start. I finally made my decision and shared it with Megan. I felt that if I didn't get a personal record on this course that I'd be disappointed, but I'd be even more disappointed if I didn't try to get that personal best. So...there it was...I'm racing. Megan said 'no problem' because she's a sweetheart and tried to make me feel like I was going to leave her in my dust. But when the guy said GO, she was OFF!

Here's the start of the race. That pink jacket is Megan. That blue jacket is me. I don't think our strategy was to get in last place, and see how many people we can pass. It was more like, 50 people were standing in a huddle and one guy said GO and shot off a gun. For some reason, everyone else started running and we were like "Oh, we'd better GO!"

I won't bore you with too many race details (yet)....except....

1) Much to Megan's disappointment, I didn't get to whip out the Mace and go all ninja on killer dogs. My guess is that there were so many runners ahead of us, that their bellies were full by the time we passed!
2) NEVER sign up for a race that has anything about "hills" or "mountains" in the title!
3) Do not trust small town, inaugural races to have tons of amenities...like timing chips that were not made in the 1970's. Seriously....we were wearing ANKLE BRACELET TIMING CHIPS! We looked like a group of escaped parolees.

Or to have race bibs that have the name of the town on them.....

Which is about 100 miles from Franklin...

OR....something special at the finish line....

My "official" race time was 2:26:13!

That means I shaved a hair under 2 minutes off my best time!! (And a few minutes faster than Megan!! SCORE!!!)

So why am I not so excited about that? Why am I at a loss for words? Why can't I come to grips with that kind of accomplishment?

When you run 13.1 miles, and you are not a true 'marathoner' that runs 13.1 miles like every weekend, you are tired. You are a bit delirious. You have no idea what you are doing, except looking for a banana and a place to lay down.

When I crossed the finish line, some guy stopped me and was taking off my House Arrest Bracelet. Then some other guy handed me something...I didn't know what, I assumed my  medal...I just wanted a banana.

Normally, after a half marathon, someone hands you a finisher's medal. That's what I was expecting.

I am a hardware-whore. I expect a medal after running anything over 10 miles. I EXPECT a medal after running a half marathon. I EXPECT a medal after Conquering a Freaking MOUNTAIN!!!

Wanna know what we got???? Look closely and you might figure it out!

Do you see it? Can you see it? Where's the medal?

I see it. But surely not. They surely didn't give you......

 

 A. Sticker. ???

Oh....yes. They did.

A F-ING STICKER!!!!!! And not just any old sticker....a special, "unique" finisher's sticker. Apparently a Bumper Sticker!!! Because after having visions in my head of what a "unique" finisher's medal would look like for a race called "Conquer the Mountain", a Bumper Sticker will.do.just.fine.asshole.

How in the name of everything holy, am I supposed to display a Bumper Sticker with my other finisher's medals? Oh, I'm supposed to put it on my truck that has 130,000 miles on it that will die within the next couple of years so that some grease monkey at the junk yard can steal it and say "I conquered a mountain!" ????

A. Sticker.

Maybe I should have re-read the race info on Facebook:

"Long Sleeve T-shirts will be given away to the first 100 registered racers & a limited edition half marathon sticker (so you can tell individuals, "Boom! I did a half marathon!) Please email your t-shirt size to:"

Yes. It said I'd get a sticker. But I thought that meant in the Goodie Bag!!! (Which did contain men's deodorant.) That description also said....Boom! What the hell was I suppose to think? With a cool logo like this....

One would expect a freaking medal that looked like that!!!

To "conquer" also means: To beat, beat up, better, blank, blast, bulldoze, clobber,  cream, deck, drub, exceed, excel, flax, floor, get the better of, knock off, lambaste, let have it, lick, master, outclass, outdo, outshine, outstrip, overcome, prevail, put away, shoot down, shut down, surpass, take care of, take down, tan, thrash, top, total, transcend, trash, triumph, triumph over, trounce, wallop, waste, wax, whip, whomp, whop, wipe out, wipe the floor with, wipe, zap

And if you do all of these things....you, my friend....will get.... a sticker.

If you want a medal...then you'll just have to get creative!

For my rack of medals so that when I'm 95, I'll see it and remember I Conquered a Mountain!

Despite the fire alarm, the House Arrest ankle bracelets, the recycled race bibs, the men's deodorant, the bumper sticker....the stupid-funny part about the whole small-town-inaugural half marathon is that this guy won it...

I shit you not. An exchange student from Kenya.

So there's the funny part about Conquering a Mountain....tune in later for why I got pissed at running...in another 3 months or so....

Gotta run...
 

To Race?...Or Not To Race? That is the Question!

Today's Miles....1174 miles via Delta and Ford....

What's your ultimate dream? That ONE THING that you want to do in life? That thing that is always in the back of your mind....you are terrified of it, but want it so badly. You know that in order to make that dream come true, you will have to sacrifice. Sacrifice physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially...and in many more indescribable ways. I have one of those dreams. I'm scared to even share it with you because it will either put me on the path to make it happen, or it will die.

My dream is to run a Marathon. Not just 'participate' in a marathon...but balls-out RUN it. To get there is going to take years. I haven't even participated yet! I don't know that I'm up for the physical strain. The emotional strain. The marital strain. But there, I've said it.  Cat's out of the bag and crapped on it.

To do this, I'm going to have to run...A LOT. Think about what you do every Saturday. Then replace it with running for 2 hours (or more), and being so tired afterwards that nothing else will likely be accomplished that day. That's sacrifice. That's dedication. That's craziness!

I admire EVERYONE that has ever completed a marathon....or is completing the journey to run their first! I know how much I put into a half marathon...and am contemplating doubling that? Am I NUTS? Yes...most runners are.

I can't imagine what it would be like to put in all of that training. To have put in the miles. To have made the sacrifices and look at the news unfolding in New York. The place where your dream is supposed to come true. To wonder if, after everything, it was just wasted? Has your dream ended before it even started? What a disappointment. I'd be in tears....especially in the midst of tapering. I'd have a taper tantrum of epic proportions.

In case you've been under a rock or on Mars, New York City and New Jersey (and many other places) have been devastated by Hurricane Sandy....or Frankenstorm....or FrankenSandy....or the More Perfect Storm.....or whatever you want to name it.

It wasn't a category 4 or 5 storm. It wasn't as fierce as maybe Katrina was. But holy crap it was HUGE. And it hit THE most densely populated place ON THE PLANET. I've seen scenes on the news reminiscent of Katrina, of tornado ravaged towns. Devastation. Desperation. Anger. Sadness. A reality so unreal that people can't believe it. Have no way to understand it. Have not yet accepted it. The wounds are still being cut. And salt water is being poured on it.

This is unreal.

People are still without power. Big deal? When you live on the 17th floor and you're 70 years old...probably a big deal. When the temperatures at night are getting to the freezing mark and you have no heat....probably a big deal.


There are gas shortages. Big deal? Guess what police cars run on? Fire trucks? Ambulances? People that deliver meals to the 70 year old on the 17th floor? Probably a big deal.

From the NY Daily News. Can you imagine waiting for gas for 4+hrs to be told "Sorry we're out!"

There are houses still under water.

There are people still missing.

There are bodies being found.

And yet, in the midst of this chaos, this carnage....Mayor Bloomberg knew how to "boost the moral" of the city....Let the NYC Marathon go on as scheduled this Sunday morning!

Big deal? Very BIG freaking deal!

The NYC hosts 45,000+ runners. Those runners have to be bused to the start line on Staten Island. Let me repeat that...they have to be BUSED to STATEN ISLAND.

From the NY Daily News. New Yorkers waiting up to 3 hours for a bus

From Reuters. I'm sure this lady won't mind if the start line goes up near her house and 40,000 people go running by.

Staten Island is still under water, without power and running out of food/water with little relief in sight it seems. Think of the 1000's of gallons of water/gatorade offered to the runners during the race. The 1000s of blankets used to cover up the runners at the end of the race. The bananas and snacks offered after the race.

But no worries, the Mayor says NO resources will be taken away from the relief effort to host this event.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Yes, the cops/EMTs/firefighters were already scheduled to be on duty (overtime) for the race....guess what....they've been "on duty" since last Sunday. The buses are privately contracted and not city buses....but still run on diesel and could move stranded residents around instead. The blankets have been bought & paid for....while people sit in their homes with the temperatures dropping near freezing. I'm sure the bottles of water were purchased weeks ago and have been sitting in storage....while some residents are going thirsty. The bananas and food were already paid for and being delivered...while some residents are hungry. Does this make sense to you?

You may not be a school bully and steal little Billy's lunch, but you sure as hell don't mind flaunting your sandwich in front of his face in the cafeteria.

From Yahoo Sports: Two generators with a third 'back-up' to power up the media tent are 

enough power 400 homes.

Mayor Bloomberg and the NYC officials have done EVERYONE a disservice. They told the 45,000+ runners that the "Show will go on!" They needed to have that marathon. To "boost moral". To "unite the city" as it has always done. To give people "something to cheer about." We NEED you to live out your dream!

What's a runner, a dreamer to do? Well, the Mayor says it's going to be okay - so let's go to NYC! You may never have another chance to live out that dream! If you don't, all of your sacrifices are wasted. Your dreams gone.

So now, the city has about 40,000 more people that 'are not using rescue & relief resources' in NYC. Those runners have been very uneasy making the decision to go. Getting there and seeing the devastation and realizing that having this race is rude, uncaring and despicable. But what's one to do once you've spent thousands of non-refundable dollars?

Well, Bloomberg says - Just eat that. The race has NOW been canceled. It was canceled on Friday afternoon. AFTER most of the runners made their way to the devastated city. The race should have been canceled. It needed to be canceled. But what a class one asshat to wait until everyone is there!

For the runners: I am sorry. I'm sorry you've trained so hard. You've sacrificed a lot. You've suffered a lot. But please keep it in perspective of what is going on around you. I hope that NYC officials figure out how to make all of those resources that 'did not take away from rescue/relief efforts' to actually aid the rescue and relief efforts.

As for me....I'm running tomorrow. Megan & I are signed up for the Conquer the Mountain 1/2 Marathon in Franklin NC. Megan's at home with pee on her leg peas icing her shin, while I'm in the hotel getting jittery. I wasn't nervous until a bit ago. Megan's very nervous, and rightfully so. She's a bit nutty, that one (or brave - I haven't decided yet). She hasn't 'trained' for this. Meaning: she hasn't been running regularly for the last 2-3 months....while I've been training for 2-3 months. She wants to run it for "fun." (13.1 miles for FUN? Told you she's nutty.) I'm trying to decide...am I going to race or not? I'll 'run' it. But do I want to Race it?

I think about my time last year, and how I blew my personal record out of the water by knocking nearly 40 minutes off of my time. Boy!! I'd love to do that again!! I don't think I can improve it like that, but I think I can beat my best time. But it would be nice to run "with" Megan....of course, I think she wants me to run with her because I will be carrying the pepper spray and neither of us wants to be eaten by that big, viscous dog!

So...To Race or Not To Race? That is the question.

For the NYC marathoners....you will not be racing this weekend.

Will I? Guess we'll find out tomorrow...

Gotta run...

I'm NOT a terrorist!!!

Today's miles: none, unless you count the 867 trips around the house picking up a weeks worth of construction trash and wood chips....I think the maid quit.

To the FBI Agent that is reading this blog: Really. I'm not a terrorist. Just a smart-ass.

I've been a bit busy of late...you know...with my regular 7am-10pm M-F job that takes me to glamorous locations like Shawano, Wisconsin...and then there's this little monster of a house we're building. I asked Mark if he was tired tonight.

He said he'd been tired since July.

(I think that's when we broke ground.)

A quick update on the house....the house & garage are framed in. More than half of the windows are in. We're working on rough-in plumbing. It's going great!

But enough of the boring stuff....

My friend Megan has reminded me that I haven't blogged and she needed a laugh....so this is for you Megan....


#1: I'm drunk. 

Seriously. I can't feel my face right now. I haven't been "drunk" since college (I graduated in 1999).

What brought this on, you ask???

One glass of wine.

Yes. You read that right.

One.

An exact 6.5 oz glass of wine.

I'm such a slush. And I'm wired. And Mark's tired....

#2: I don't consume enough protein. 

I met with a trainer about a week ago to help me out in the nutrition/strength training areas of life. I'm supposed to be consuming 171 g of protein a day. That's a lot of Effing Protein! I've been trying some protein shakes. So far my review of most of them....God awful concoctions. Not very funny...but I thought I'd put that out there and save you the trouble.

#3: Don't mess with the TSA.

That one should be self explanatory. But then there's me. With my inability to keep my mouth shut. Let me explain...

Last week, I had the prison sentence opportunity to spend a week in South Dakota. Not the Mt Rushmore, Black Hills side....the east side. Where all of the dairy farms are of course! I've only been up there a couple of times before. Once everything was covered in snow. The second time I stayed in the city at a conference hotel. What I knew about South Dakota before I left....1) it was going to be COLD (and I HATE the COLD) and 2) it was going to be WINDY.....my hair was not prepared for 35+ mph winds with gusts up to 65mph....

It normally takes HOURS of prep to look This good!!

What I did not know is that TODAY is the opening day of pheasant hunting season!!! Big deal...right????

Oh, you bet your pretty little panties it's a BIG deal!!!

Apparently thousands and thousands of people flock to South Dakota to hunt pheasant....and apparently all on opening weekend.

Anyway...I was scheduled to fly out of Sioux Falls, SD on Friday afternoon. I was actually happy to learn that extra flights and planes were coming into the Sioux Falls CrackerJack Box Airport on Friday...because I was pretty well guaranteed there would be some extra planes and seats going out...just in case my plane broke.

I arrive at the airport much earlier than needed because my meeting ended early. The Sioux Falls CrackerJack Box Airport has 7 gates. And only 3 are used regularly. Except on Friday. I would describe how many people I saw...except they were all wearing camo...so I didn't really see anyone.

Sioux Falls pulled out all of the stops to make the hunters feel welcome! They even had a TRADE SHOW..... in the flipping AIRPORT!!!

A brief interlude between arriving flights...

They had taxidermists, free cookies, free hats, blaze orange "My Cock is bigger than Your Cock" hats (I'm not joking on that one!), hunting guides, camo clothes, and more! It was a free-for-all!

They even had ladies in camo greeting the hunters as they came off of the planes handing out free water bottles!

They also had A LOT of security!!! I've never seen that many cops, US Customs Agents and TSA Agents in one airport....not even a big airport! But I guess it was necessary. Everyone had a gun.

I meant EVERYONE had a gun. They even set up a special gun checking/retrieval station. Once your luggage came off the plane, you proceeded to the gun claim section where the cops checked your paperwork and you could retrieve your guns.

After most of the guns had been claimed and the crowd thinned out a bit...

When I first walked in the Sioux Falls CrackerJack Box Airport, the first thing I saw was the gun check station, and there were about 40 guns on those tables. A somewhat unsettling sight. I guess I should have felt safe...right??!!! I mean, these are just Good Ol' Boys!! Not terrorists or anything!!

Uh....HELLO????!!! Dick Cheney ring a bell anyone!!??? These guys were so pumped up and excited about opening day, they'll probably wind up shooting themselves in the face before they ever get to the field!

After I enjoyed redneck people watching for about an hour....it was time for me to head through security. Same old, same old. Just a different day, a different airport. Take off my shoes, belt, jacket. Take my computer out of my backpack. Take my lotion out of my back pack...the only liquid I ever carry-on. Take everything out of my pockets. Walk through the scanner.....

"Ma'am. We're going to have to pat you down as something in your back pocket alerted the scanner. Please face the side to which your belongings are on."

No big deal. They are courteous. Professional. I didn't get felt up or anything. Nothing to complain about. Buttons on pockets do this all of the time...

"Ma'am. Is this your bag? We're going to have to scan it again."

Okay. Scan away. While I'm thinking...."Crap....did I leave my screw driver in my pack AGAIN? That will be the 5th one I've given up this year!!"

"Ma'am. Could you please step over here? We need to scan your hands for residues. And we need to look inside your bag. Are these your shoes too?"

Now I'm thinking...."Shit! What did I forget in my pack? OR What have I gotten ON my back pack??? I've been on farms this week. Did I set it down in a storage room? Crap! What's on my shoes?"

This is one of my biggest fears. I'm on farms almost daily. Sometimes a LOT of farms. I'm typically in barns where they house equipment and chemicals. Where they store stuff. Where fertilizer is sometimes stored. And guess what will get the TSA in a frenzy......traces of explosive residues.....

Like. Nitrogen. Fertilizer.

Just as my blood pressure is really getting high and I'm wondering how to explain why I've been around explosives.......she proceeds to pull this out of my bag......

"Ma'am I believe this counts as a liquid."

Me - "Seriously."

"Yes. It is."

Then she & a more senior agent, her 'back-up' I suppose, proceed to have a conversation about whether or not peanut butter counts as a liquid or gel or solid. After a couple of minutes of listening intently and getting a thorough education from the TSA on what constitutes a gel vs a solid; and how semi-solids should be considered in the liquid/gel category even though they are really a solid.....but 'not-really' a solid....

Me - "Well I would think that if it's a liquid or gel, it's still below the maximum allowable size...right?"

"Well, I guess that would be right. But there's something else in here we need to examine."

Uh-Oh.....Now, she's found my secret weapon.

"Ma'am. We can't let you through security with this."

Me - "Seriously???"

"Yes ma'am. It is considered a weapon."

Me - "Seriously.... "

"Yes."

Me - "It's small. It's plastic. It's not even a metal one. How could that possibly be considered a weapon?"

Then she and the senior agent proceed to have a conversation about whether or not this constituted a weapon. At this point, I'm actually getting impatient - which is very rare for me in airports.

But really.

I can't stand it anymore.

I. Have. To. Say. Something.


Me - "So........ Would it help if I unloaded it?"

That's when the wiser of the two agents decided that I was not MacGyver and could not possibly bring a plane down with Jif, a stapler, and some fertilizer residue on my pack.




Gotta run....to bed....my buzz is gone...

I Am *THAT* Runner

Today's Miles: 8.2 miles running. Who knows how many more scurrying about the construction project.

So today was my very Long incredibly Slow almost 95% of it was a Run for the week. 

I woke up at 6:10 a.m. this morning so that I could get my run in early (before the sun, & heat, & my dad ready to start building deck). 

Charged Garmin last night. Check.

Charged iPod last night. Check.

Two pieces of toast with nutella. Check.

Fill up 4 water bottles for fuel belt. Check.

Fill up extra water bottle to stash in mail box. Check.

Pack Spibelt with dog treats. Check.

Fill pouch with chapstick, extra gum and Jelly Beans. Check.

Put on incredibly sexy Granny-style compression socks (that come clear up to my knees, but say "Adidas"). Check.

Hat. Check.

Snot/sweat rag tied around my wrist. Check.

iPod arm band. Check.
  
I'm ready to go!! So I start out my run in the planning mode. What route should I take? I need to get back to the mailbox at 1/2 way to refill water bottles. So I'm thinking a 2 mile down & back, then run the Graves Rd loop. That should be 8 miles.

What's that? 

Oh wow!! Runners!! I NEVER see runners here!? Wonder who these guys are? Do they live close? Maybe we could run together sometime? Nahh, they look speedy. Svelt. They must not be going far. Only one small water bottle on a fuel belt. But this is so cool!! I'm so excited to see I'm not alone out here!! Oh, here they come. Better greet them.

"Good morning."

To my complete shock, one never makes eye contact and the other gives me this bizarre face twisted smile.

Well screw you then. Not even a smile. Really. How rude! Runners are suppose to at least acknowledge each other.

Then I start to think about this more. Here are 2 guys running. No shirt. No hat. Just running shorts and a fuel belt with minimal water. I know they don't live here - so they've either traveled some distance (and they were already pretty sweaty) or they are running LONG today. 

Hard. Core.

If they were female, they'd look similar to this:

I totally stole this photo from Jennie Vee's FB page. Though I don't know the other 2 ladies, I'm certain that these are the fastest women in Memphis. And VERY Hard.Core.

And here am I - with my 4 water bottles, pack full of dog treats. iPod arm band. Snot/sweat wiper rag tied to my wrist. Compression socks. I'm looking Anti.Hard.Core. More like this:

Again - completely stolen pic of Annoying Restaurant Waitress Wearing Too Many Buttons.

No wonder the guy gave me a weird smile!? 

But wait a minute! Aren't all runners suppose to be supportive of other runners - of all shapes, sizes and abilities? Yeah! They should!!

That's when it hit me. Like.A.Car.

When I started out running, I cranked up some Evanescence to get me revved up. And you can't listen to that softly. You crank it up. LOUDLY.

So I'm pretty sure that my very polite

"Good morning"

was more like

"GOOD MORNING!!!!!"

All Drill Sergeant style.

When I met these same guys again at 3.5 miles, I at least got an acknowledged smile from one. Silence from the one I yelled at earlier.

When the one I yelled at passed me at 7 miles (holy crap he was keeping good pace), he gave me a thumbs up and a polite "Good morning." 

Even with the insanity of me, I earned his respect for pounding out 7 miles! 

Guess that's something.

(Or maybe he saw I had one of my earbuds out and figured it was safe to talk to me now.)



Gotta Run.....